The very essence....

To catch the essence of life, do you have to try? Is it possible that you could desire that feeling of pure life flowing through your veins so strongly, and attempt to find that feeling, but pass up the feeling by trying to hard? Maybe I'm being foolish. I have indeed had the pleasure of feeling pure life flow through my body, through my emotions. But here in this small, ridiculous, narrow-minded town, it's almost impossible. As hard as I try. I long to garden, to dress, to speak, and to do whatever crazy things my heart desires. I want to come up with new ideas. I don't know if I'm just being lazy, or if this town is really constraining my mind from flowing to it's full capacity. Is it also possible to persevere through the hardest sufferings, and still enjoy that pure essence? I'm sure of this.... I just haven't experienced it yet. Ah well. I will learn in time. I guess I am a bit young.


I was looking at some photographs of this woman who I'm assuming lives in France... I do believe that she has captured in pixels the essence of this pure living that I'm hoping for in my heart.


http://www.flickr.com/photos/81951381@N00/

What a beautiful life she has. I want one like that, please.

I was speaking to a friend of mine yesterday, and I've decided that I want to live in Paris. And during that time I'd like to live in Rome for four months. And after Rome I want to spend time in Africa doing mission work. Getting these words out of my mouth to someone who isn't telling me that I'm crazy feels fantastic!
I've actually come up with multiple lovely ideas in my head that (yes others would think crazy and silly- in this town at least) I will carry out. I'm gonna learn how to speak French. I'm also gonna start shopping at thrift and vintage stores instead of target and urban outfitters so often. You know how much moolah that will save me?
Call me crazy, Ponchatoula, you'll love me one day.

Oh! And I found a new quote to live by in my dancing life.
''You should always do the kind of dancing which brings out your own rare qualities instead of trying to win praise by mere acrobatic tricks."-Pavel Gerdt

This was told to one of the most famous dancers of all times- Anna Pavlova- who was criticized because of certain characteristics of her body. Take that all you stuck up ballerinas. I hope you go very far with your mere acrobatic tricks.


Gentle impulsion
Shakes me makes me lighter
Fearless on my breath.
-Teardrop, Massive Attack

A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment.

^ How true is that quote? Jane Austen was a smart girl. I've been digging her quotes lately.

In a matter of two days, my life has become extremely busy. Which doesn't explain why the heck I'm typing this blog. I'm dumb, and a procrastinator. Oh well. Seton Home and Study School ( ooohh. just the name... ) has decided to make my junior year of high school one of an overload of work! Fantastic. I've resolved to work my butt off this year though; then again, that was before my syllabus came in the mail. But I'm a smart girl with a good brain! I CAN DO THIS! Yeah my optimism won't be so enthusiastic in about a week or so. 

Someone recently asked me if I minded missing homecoming, prom, all the other school dances etc. because I homeschool. The answer is no people. Like honestly...what is the big deal about that stuff? Sure I see how getting all dressed up and having a night out with all your friends can be great, but why can't that happen all the time? Prom and Homecoming is made into SUCH A BIG DEAL. I'm really indifferent about those dances; yeah, they can be fun, but its not that big of a deal. To me anyway. I would much rather get dressed up all cute and go find a local jazz band to dance to rather than being the minority for having a modest dress and grinding all night long. It's just me.

Ah....attractions. Is it quite terrible to have a specification for a guy? I mean, my previous (and first) love interest kinda slapped me in the face as far as my specification goes. But is it terrible or unrealistic to imagine an ideal guy? Not that I need anyone right now. It's just been on my mind, as I am a hopeless romantic dreamer. Also on the subject of attraction or love (whatever you choose to call it) I am so satisfied with just little old me. I am surprised to find myself perfectly content and happy after one week without having a significant someone telling me that he loves me. Even though I never officially (as the world would say) "dated" this person, I experienced what it's like to want to give of yourself to someone in particular. I experienced what it's like to truly love - -- to want for the good of another person. To long to bring that person closer to Christ. And I enjoyed every moment of it. And I'm very proud to say that I didn't let myself get too emotionally attached to this person. The painful preparation for that first taste of love paid off! My heart isn't in pieces! If anything my heart is rejuvenated! So the moral of this little ramble.... prepare your heart for love, guard your heart. I'm sure one or two of my future blog entries will be partially be on the awesome experience that I had this summer. ..so heads up. ;) 

While I'm thinking about it.... BLAHEEP!  

Crazy awesome insider word between my girl Jessica Hester and I. :) She be cool. 

Ah. And another cool combination of words... cellar door.  And no I didn't hear that from that creepy movie about that weird bunny and the disturbed kid....Jonny something....... weird. 

According to trusty wikipedia... (haha) ... 

""Most English-speaking people...will admit that cellar door is 'beautiful', especially if dissociated from its sense (and from its spelling). More beautiful than, say, sky, and far more beautiful than beautiful. Well then, in Welsh for me cellar doors are extraordinarily frequent, and moving to the higher dimension, the words in which there is pleasure in the contemplation of the association of form and sense are abundant.""

Cool right? I think so. Anyways. My mom is yelling at me for having my laptop in my room. Blahdeeblah. More on that later. Goodnight World.

"where are we?what the hell is going on? the dust has only just begun to form crop circles in the carpet sinking feeling" -Hide and Seek by Imogen Heap.

Beautiful girls.

So I just thought that I would post some pictures of the most beautiful girls in the world. My sisters. ;) 

Often times we just get dressed up for no other reason then to take cool pictures somewhere. Dumb? Yeah. But we have so much fun! 

And so it begins...

Ok. Here we go. I can't count how many "advice givers" have advised me to start journaling to get all of the crazy mumble jumble thoughts that are thunk in my head ... out. Well once I actually start writing...I write a whole lot. Which causes me to have cramps. *ouch* So blogging is ideal. Now.... what to blog about. Hah.

Life.... is like a box of chocolates --- wait. Scratch that.

What is going on in my mind right now you may ask? Well, I was just thinking about the wonderful day that I had today. Coffee shops are perfect. True gentlemen make me smile. So do venti sized Chai fraps.  Spending much needed time with dear friends that you haven't seen in a long time is quite nice. It's a nice remedy to a broken heart.

Speaking of which. I have learned a very important lesson this week. I can make myself happy. :D  This time of year just gets me down. For various personal reasons. And at the beginning of this week the thoughts running through my head were not nice thoughts to be thinking of. They were definately of a depressing nature. But you know what I did? I danced. But my dancing sucked. Which made me feel even more sucky. So I then treated myself to a chai latte. That was day 1 of discovering happiness. Day 2 also involved a chai, but a Jane Austen novel, a huge Barnes and Noble, and the Wizard of Oz soundtrack was added. I mean... perfect much? It is to me. That combination of those awesome things made me smile, and brought be a whole lotta joy for some reason. I remember walking out of Barnes and Noble praising God for my life, and just being thankful. Weird, and random, I know. But just taking the time to do small things that I know I enjoy doing makes a huge difference in my attitude. 

That's  enough for now I guess. Goodnight world. Have wonderful dreams.

"...a fox trot above my head...a sock hop beneath my bed... "